On new friendships: Wednesday night is quickly becoming my favorite night of the week thanks to small group… every time I think about it (how we came together, the timing, the chemistry) it just blows my mind! Usually it takes me a while to warm up to people (which makes me sound like a 2 year old, but it’s true), but these guys have been so refreshingly genuine and encouraging that — much to my own surprise — I already feel quite comfortable and myself around them. This is God’s doing! Through this, I’m reminded that God answers prayer, in his time (we had been praying for community since we got here) and in his perfect-though-sometimes-overwhelming way: a domino of events within the span of a week got us plugged in way faster than we could have imagined! For this I am really thankful.
On old friendships: On the other hand, I am struggling a bit with old friendships right now. Within the past week, I’ve been told that my personality is different as of late, like something is wrong and I seem upset and/or disinterested. I don’t know why I’m coming off this way because none of it is true… I mean, I have good and bad days like everyone else, but overall I feel just fine! In fact, life is good and the only thing upsetting me at the moment is the very misconception that I’m writing about! The only way it makes sense to me is that I haven’t hung out with these friends in a while and over the last few years of living on the east coast, working in corporate, getting married, moving, switching careers, etc.. I’ve grown up and changed too… and I guess if the context in which you knew me was high school and you haven’t seen me in a while, then the “before” and “after” might seem drastically different… I didn’t think so, but so I’ve inferred. Nonetheless, this is the way I am now. Perhaps less bubbly, more introspective, more realist, more mellow than before. But I can be all those things AND happy and content, right? Nothing has to be wrong, nor am I in denial or depression! Anyway, all this leads me to wonder… what happens when old friends who remember the old you don’t like the new you? (This is starting to feel very sarah jessica parker like on SATC.) Do you revert to your old self (which feels fake and does not appeal to me), do you just give them time to get used to you and struggle through the transition period (which seems to be happening) (and begs the question: how long does it take? and what if they never get used to the “new” me?), or do friendships of this type just slowly dissolve as life goes on? (which would be sad but does happen!) Either I change or they change or it isn’t meant to be?!? Hmm. And so that this isn’t a one-sided scenario, I wonder: have I ever been that friend to someone else, the one who holds onto the past and does not like or accept growth or change in another friend? If I accept it, great, but do I encourage and even delight in it? I mean, it’s only natural… if you know someone in a particular context or life stage, you expect to interact with them in that context indefinitely. That’s the person you befriended, after all… not the changed person standing in front of you. But is it right to freeze time and expectations like that? Swirl, swirl, swirl. Then swirl some more.
On my best friend: On a happier note, Eric and I are coming up on our 2nd anniversary in 1.5 weeks! Woo! Sometimes I can’t believe it’s already been 2 years, and other times I can’t believe it’s ONLY been 2 years… it feels like forever! Well, more on this later.
On what I want for Christmas: Like many people, I love this time of year… a time when people smile more and sing more and give more. It’s easy to get caught up in shopping for presents, isn’t it? Even when I stay away from the mall, shopping comes to me in the form of catalogs and emails and commercials… it’s crazy! Materially speaking, there isn’t anything I need this year… I mean, Eric needs shoes, my dad needs socks, but me? Nothing. Nada. Life is sweet and simple these days. BUT. In terms of what I want… if money grew on trees… why, I think I’d buy myself a necklace or two, a Flip, a couple pieces of cool artwork, a real Christmas tree. Oh! I’d also replace many of the CDs, DVDs and books we lost in the mail: Moulin Rouge (my favorite movie), Miracle on 34th Street (favorite Christmas movie!), our helicopter DVD (from our honeymoon), the Five Love Languages (awesome, insightful book), and on and on. Thankfully, money does not grow on trees and I don’t have to bother acquiring all of these things. Hah!
On what I really want for Christmas, amidst everything else: To be still and know that He is God. If you’ve read this far—thank you for letting me share my thoughts. They’re messy and scattered, but they’re honest. With one week left til Christmas, may the peace of God’s love and the joy of our Savior’s birth fill your heart, and mine as well. Love & blessings.
It’s been a wonderful day of family, food, giving and receiving, reflecting and thanksgiving. I hope that this feeling of joy and peace lasts every day of the year. God bless, friends!
Alas, next semester I will graduate from Legos with third-graders, and take on PHYSICS with juniors & seniors. YIKES!