My goodness, I was huge. 
I don’t know how I ever slept with this thing. 
But it’s fun to look back and realize that out of that, came this: 
Crazy, right?? I can’t wait to have another one!!! Haha.
I read somewhere that when we sleep at night, we continuously cycle through shallow & deep phases of sleep, nearly waking or waking momentarily during the shallow phase. When the latter happens, we adults are able to fall back asleep so quickly that most of us don’t even realize we are awake or recall it in the morning. Babies, on the other hand, have to learn this skill, and until they do, they’ll cry for help getting back to dreamland — help in the form of rocking, nursing, soothing sounds, etc. Basically, help in the form of Mom. This is one reason for “sleep training” a baby, so he/she doesn’t require help falling back asleep and can sleep through the night.
We are lucky that James is a relatively good sleeper. A few weeks ago, though, due to a change in routine and perhaps a growth spurt, he hit a rough patch and required a lot of cuddling to fall back asleep… and cuddling with me, specifically, as opposed to with Eric. It’s pretty amusing that time and time again, when Eric was unsuccessful at soothing James, the exact moment that he handed the baby over to me, James stopped crying. Eric would sigh, “Really?? Seriously!?” Haha… perks of being the mom, I guess. Anyway, we suspected that it has something to do with my smell, so one day we tried giving James one of my shirts to sleep with. When he stirred, I got ready to pick him up as usual, when what do you know… James drew my shirt to his face, took a big whiff of it, and magically calmed down without needing me to take him out of the crib. It worked: James fell back asleep on his own!! And it keeps on working today!! Sometimes if my shirt is just out of reach, we’ll sneak in and help drop it on his face… and 90% of the time his body immediately relaxes and he falls back asleep. It’s MAGIC!
To be the only person in the world that can calm James down is endearing, but sometimes inconvenient. To have discovered this trick which enables Eric to help, and even James to help himself, was GENIUS!! It is still endearing but also somewhat funny to know that my smell is so powerful and intoxicating to someone. What’s more, after he sniffs my shirt for a day or two, it no longer smells like Mom, but smells like Baby, and I have to do a switch with him. I reclaim my shirt and put it on to renew the smell, and give him the fresh one off my back. Haha. How awesome to know that my son thinks I have the best smell in the world!
Dear James,
You’re almost seven months old and I’m liking this stage a lot; could you please stay like this a while?
The last two months have been pretty exciting and I need to be more diligent about writing stuff down! Since the last “letter”, you reached 0.5 years of age and your world keeps on expanding! We introduced “solid foods” and for the record you’ve eaten rice cereal, oatmeal, banana, sweet potato, prunes, and winter squash… and seem to love them all. We also tried avocado and pears, but not sure if you’re allergic…? You open wide when we say “aaaaah” (so cute) and have mastered how to swallow off a spoon… you’re a pretty fast eater and we’re up to two meals a day, though still drinking milk approx 6 times a day. And with the change in diet came a change in diapers… as well as constipation, oh my goodness… we’ve never thought and prayed about poop so much before… but thank God all is well now and we learned our lesson: a “p” fruit each day (prune, peach, pear, pineapple, papaya, etc) keeps poopy worries away. (lame, i know. 
)
A couple people came to visit you back in October… Auntie Hannah and your ye-ye… and you certainly made quite an impression on both! We had fun playing tourist with them (we went to the aquarium! the beach! the pool! you swam for the first time! and watched the entire film at pearl harbor without making a peep!), but boy did it mess with your routine and sleep schedule. You reverted to crying at bedtime, and I was worried our sleep training had been undone, but thank God it was just a phase and you seem back to normal now. Bedtime around 7:30ish (rough estimate) and usually 2 naps a day.
At your last doctor appt you got 4 shots and weighed in at approx. 18 pounds… it appears that your growth is plateauing, for which my arms and back thank you! Health-wise everything is looking good, for which we are also thankful.
You’re babbling “ma ma ma ma mommm” and screaming a lot more nowadays. It is apparent when you are unhappy. You’ve found your toes. You put everything in your mouth: books, clothes, toys, my fingers, tags, string. You like when we read to you. (”No biting your friends!” “Froggggyyy!”) You fall asleep with my shirt, sniffing my scent. You’re rolling around to the point that it’s become dangerous to leave you on the bed… but still no sign of crawling or cruising, so you’re not totally mobile yet. Part of me can’t wait to see you crawl, but the other part of me knows it’s probably easier while you can’t.
As you become more aware, it takes more energy and effort to entertain you during the day, and I find myself feeling tired, inadequate, and guilty at times. I wonder if I’m boring you with the same sounds and songs over and over again… or not stimulating you enough because I stopped narrating a while back (honestly I got tired of talking so much)… and I feel bad turning on the TV, but sometimes it’s the only way I get a chance to eat or pee or stay sane… and then there’s the question of taking you out (to the mall, the park, a play date, etc) cause on one hand, it’s “stimulating”, but on the other hand, sometimes it messes with your naps and mealtimes and I feel selfish making you “suffer” for the sake of me going out… UGH. I love being a mom, but it is by no means easy!! I need wisdom! What has helped is a book we’re reading for parenting class at church, called “Sacred Parenting.” Chapter 3 was on guilt and I’m still digesting it, but it is helping. Maybe I’ll share that later on.
I am, however, cherishing this year off to be a stay-at-home mom. I bet it’ll be hard to go back to work, but I’m not thinking about it too much yet… it’s still far away (or so I tell myself).
Anyway. So I finally wrote some stuff down. It might not be cohesive or entertaining, but at least I wrote! It’s 1:56am and I need to sleep because you’ll likely wake up around 5am, maybe 6 if we’re lucky, ready to play. I love you, James. Your dad and I agreed, best 6.5 months of our lives so far.
Love, mom
So… I think God’s been speaking to me through the bathroom mirror. Say what??
Well, what happened is rather simple and anticlimactic, and is something most people have done without a second thought: I cleaned the mirror. That’s all! Well, I used a Clorox wipe, and that kinda made a difference. But still. I simply cleaned the mirror one day and for some reason, God decided to grant me an “aha” moment that I’ve been pondering in my heart ever since. Basically, the Clorox wipe (amazing little thing!) made our mirror super clean… much cleaner than a paper towel + water had done in the past. I knew our mirror had been dirty, but I didn’t realize how dirty until I was able to see my reflection so clearly. Afterwards, I couldn’t stop staring, for what was once dirty was now perfectly clean. Since then, having seen just how perfect it can be, the slightest water spot or faintest streak now screams to me like a stain on a white shirt that MUST be cleaned immediately! I actually feel myself get a little worked up whenever I notice an imperfection, cause it tarnishes the entire mirror. Is this OCD? Maybe. Or maybe God’s telling me something…
Just as a dirty mirror starts with a single speck, I’m reminded that sin starts with a single impure or selfish thought. After desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” James 1:15
I didn’t realize how dirty the mirror was until I saw how clean it could be. I often forget how sinful I am, because (1) I have never experienced (and never will, on this side of heaven) how righteous I was meant to be, and (2) sometimes the dirt accumulates so gradually that I don’t notice it happening.
In the same way I strive to keep the mirror clean, I must persevere in keeping my heart clean. Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. Hebrews 12:1-2
Jesus is absolutely necessary to reconcile me with God the Father, cause the smallest speck of dirt on my heart is still a speck of dirt, making me imperfect and unworthy of entering God’s perfect presence. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3:23-24
It’s worth the effort; a spanking clean mirror is pretty spectacular. Knowing Jesus is pretty satisfying. Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.” John 6:35
There’s more, but words are getting in my way right now. I’ll end with this: God can use ANYTHING for his glory, even a bathroom mirror! Keep your eyes and ears and heart open.
PS. I hesitate to make this entry public cause I’m really not as righteous or holy as a post like this may suggest. God is just gracious and hasn’t given up on me. But I am hopeful that something I’ve shared will encourage someone, somewhere to keep running the race!
