Tag Archives: marriage

On 2 Years and 27 Years and a New Year

January 4, 2010 – 12:42 pm

In my world, Christmas, our wedding anniversary, New Years, and Eric’s birthday, fall within a span of ELEVEN days.  That’s a lot of celebrating for eleven days.  This time last year, I distinctly remember feeling stressed (and maybe going a tad berserk on Eric) trying to be the “good wife” and make EVERY one of those special occasions EXTRA special—you know, with food and gifts and get-togethers.  I was happy but I was tired!  So this year, we did things differently.

On Christmas: there were no lights or decorations this year, no tree, no snow.  We put gifts on the dining table and opened them Christmas morning with family.  We went to church and sang Christmas carols.  We meditated on the Christmas story and kept it simple.  It was wonderful!

On 2 Years of Marriage: there is much I could share on this, but the biggest thing, I think, is that I feel a change happening within me with respect to knowing how to love Eric.  I don’t know what triggered it or if I can really describe it, but it’s as if I am letting go of certain expectations and romantic notions of what I thought marriage would be (which were heavily influenced by society and media) and embracing what we have, as unique and unromantic as it may be.  It’s like I’m experiencing love at a deeper level.  On our anniversary, I previously would have wanted a special celebration, maybe eating out for dinner, exchanging gifts, etc., having Eric’s 100% attention.  But as it turned out this year, I was a bit under the weather, and Eric had a big presentation to prepare for and was working on it (at home) til around 11:30pm.  The previous me would probably have gotten upset (but it’s our anniversary! you’re choosing work over me!?) but the new and improved me (hah) wanted to do whatever I could to support him.  Give him quiet, take care of dinner, do the dishes, tell him I understand and that it’s completely OK.  And it really was… I knew he couldn’t help it and didn’t like having to work from home, but had no choice and was doing the best he could.  I could see it in his eyes and I loved him for it.  And that was how we spent our 2nd anniversary.  (He did manage to steal away for 5 minutes of frozen cake, though, which was yummy!)

On the Eve of a New Year: we fell asleep.  I can’t believe I just wrote those words!  And I can’t believe I let it happen.  I watch the ball drop on TV every year, but this year, Eric slipped into bed around 11, closed his eyes, and looked way too comfy for me not to follow suit. So somehow, with windows shut and firecrackers going off in every direction outside, we fell asleep before midnight and when I next opened my eyes, it was 12:20am.  Happy New Year, Dear and he went right back to Dreamland!

On 27 Years: so the previous 3 celebrations were pretty low-key, and as if to make up for them and prove we are NOT TOO OLD to party, we just had a fun-filled weekend during which I kept shouting ERIC, it’s your BIRTHDAY WEEKEND EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!! We went to the beach and swam to the rocks, hiked a very anticlimactic hike with my brother & dad, did groceries & laundry, hiked Diamond Head at sunrise, took family portraits after church, looked at apartments, had lemon meringue pie, and went to bed pooped.  I had an awesome time and it wasn’t even my birthday!  But today (Monday the 4th) is Eric’s actual birthday, people, so wish him a good one!!  Happy Birthday, Dear and may God bless you with a healthy and amazing 27th year of life!!  Can’t wait to see what’s in store for you this year!DH Sunrise

On the New Year: so the holiday weekend is now over and it’s back to the new normal.  Friends have returned to the mainland, my brother has 1 more week at home before going too, and I start teaching in 2 weeks (yikes).  Eric and I have yet to do our yearly list and I have yet to make resolutions, but all is well: we’ve made it through another stretch of eleven days, and this year I did not go berserk!  No, in fact, what a blessed eleven days it has been.  Blessings, friends. Have a joyful week!

By jen | Posted in Personal | Also tagged , , | Comments (0)

Passionsaurus

April 18, 2009 – 5:47 pm

It’s been quite a week in the jen+eric household… details to come… but for now, check out this comic strip that Eric is really amused by!

By jen | Posted in Random Stuff | Also tagged | Comments (1)

Out Of Necessity

April 2, 2009 – 9:40 pm

Eric has been burning the midnight oil at work lately, so consequently I’ve been home alone for the past few evenings.  Out of necessity, I have been cooking.  Yes, two consecutive days of real cooking, with real starch and real meat and real vegetables… as opposed to frozen pizza or canned soup.  In my pre-married days I prided myself on being an independent woman–able to manage my own finances, keep a clean home, and whip up a decent meal.  A year later, I’ve reverted on the domesticity scale and been spoiled by a husband who actually likes to cook.  [weirdo]  So although being home alone has its perks… I do what I want, eat when I want, eat Eric’s ice cream, watch tv, and actually accomplish quite a lot… still, it’s been too quiet and our home feels empty and worse of all, there’s no free dinner!!  Eric, come home!!!

In other news, I ran 3.5 miles yesterday without stopping!  I swear I saw a turtle zip past me, but who cares, I DIDN’T STOP!!

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The quieter love

November 19, 2008 – 2:12 am

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing.  There are many things below it, but there are also things above it.  You cannot make it the basis of a whole life.  It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling.  Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all.  Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last, but feelings come and go.  And in fact, whatever people say, the state called “being in love” usually does not last… But, of course, ceasing to be “in love” need not mean ceasing to love.  Love in this second sense — love as distinct from “being in love” — is not merely a feeling.  It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God.  They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself when you do not like yourself.  They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be “in love” with someone else.  “Being in love” first moved them to promise fidelity; this quieter love enables them to keep the promise.  It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run; being in love was the explosion that started it.     -C.S. Lewis

My parents celebrated their anniversary just a few days ago.  Last year they went out for ice cream after dinner.  This year, they caught the “early bird special” at a nearby restaurant.  Those two dates are so… them.  Simple, sweet, geniune. 

I’ve been thinking about my childhood lately and the time that I lived at home.  It dawned on me that I can’t really remember a specific moment when my parents fought.  Which I know isn’t true, as all couples fight… but I guess they rarely did in front of me and my brother.  Maybe so we’d grow up knowing that Mom and Dad love each other, which means they are united… one in purpose.

Then I went off to college.  Started dating.  Got married.  And somewhere along the way, they started to argue in front of me… somewhat regularly… over the phone!  Nothing serious, mainly banter, but still. (I’m always amused, Mom!)  Maybe so we’d grow up knowing that Mom and Dad love each other, which means they are united… one in purpose… yet sometimes disagree and inevitably push each other’s buttons.  Even after waking up next to each other for 25+ years, two people who love each other still have their moments!  

So this quote made me think of them.  Not to say they aren’t “in love” anymore, because they are :o ), but that the quieter, deeper love, is what keeps marriage strong and beautiful.  Happy anniversary mom&dad!! Thank you for leading us by example. =)

By jen | Posted in Personal | Also tagged , | Comments (1)

Fireproof my marriage

October 11, 2008 – 2:14 am

Eric and I watched the movie Fireproof tonight, and while it was 97% predictable and pretty much no-frills as far as acting & special effects, it was two hours of my life well-spent. It was simple yet profound. It was real.  I left the theater energized, spilling over with hope and love and confidence. ”Fireproof doesn’t mean that a fire will never come, but that when it comes, you’ll be able to withstand it.”  

Speaking of relationships, I was marking a date on my calendar the other day and noticed that we already have six weddings planned for next year, from San Francisco and Chicago, to Canada and Japan. Crazy!!  And while I am truly happy for our engaged friends, because marrying the right person at the right time is an indescribable blessing, I also feel an increasing burden to assure my non-married, non-engaged, and especially non-dating friends that there is NO RUSH to find that special someone and seal the deal.  Enjoy whatever stage of life you’re at, because the grass is always greener on the other side.  Having been married for 9 months, I feel like I’m just beginning to scratch the surface but can already attest that marriage is hard work and not rosy all the time. Sorta like an onion (sorry Eric)… you start peeling the layers of each other and become so raw and vulnerable that you can’t hold back tears, because when it’s good, it’s so good, but when it’s hard, it’s soooo hard! I hope that made sense. Anyway, what I’m saying is that married people struggle too, with different sorts of issues, and rather than wondering if the grass really is greener, everyone ought to start watering their own lawns. (I’m preaching to myself here!)  So if you’re married, fireproof your marriage. If you’re engaged, make time to prepare for marriage amidst the wedding plans.  And if you’re single, savor the independence and wait… wait… w.a.i.t. for the right one! Focus on becoming a person that will make your future spouse feel like they’ve struck gold.. so that when the time comes, you will both be SO ready. Til then, do NOT let people pressure you into their timeline. I cringe when I hear others say “EVERYBODY is getting married” these days, because it’s not true and it’s not the goal. Be content where you are and live each stage – and each day – to its fullest!!

Don’t settle for Hersheys. Eat Godiva!! (Poor transition, but whatever.)

By jen | Posted in Good Finds, Personal | Also tagged | Comments (2)